Tonight has been a bit of a struggle. I suppose I never quite got off my period, which makes sense since I bled a shorter time. So being emotional is part of the territory. Part of it was sympathy for my cousin, sorrow for losing my auntie (and slightly grandpa) and just menstrual. But I did get some good grocery shopping done, so I can't complain. Actually, this week has been grand. It's had serious downs, but nice ups.
Pochama's birthday was nice, the mall was nice, going around today with grandma was tiring but fun. And laughing my tail off and having the vs, debate with Tay was fun too. And my manga... It was one after another. Toriko, Kimi ni Todoke, Momo. And I reread my LoveCom's. I was heart-broken to learn there was no One Piece, but right after I saw Usagi Drop was updated. Five bloody chapters! That as well, is orgasm worthy. And these were such great chapters. UD really makes me want kids... Whether my own or adopted. I'm so iffy. I really haven't had a boyfriend and doesn't seem like I will anytime soon. So the question is, will I even have a boyfriend/fiance/husband? But I wouldn't mind being Daikichi. Not at all.
Well, to a point, heh. And of course, anima has brought me out of my shell a bit too. It's nice, being part of the crowd and even standing outside looking in. And I'm proud for my work on Goichi and seeing Shaz's art made me want to draw and doodle. And color. I have to really get myself into it and organize myself soon. Driver's Ed, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, keeping to my promises/plans. There's a lot to do, but I have faith in myself.
It has been a truly refreshing day. Seeing Anna at gamestop, being comfortable and enjoying my family's company. I like this. I even got a little prayer in lately. Things are tough, but we're pulling through. I hope things keep up this way. With more One Piece, Usagi Drop and other great manga too of course.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Oh, goodness
Alright Tin, you knew the dream was effing crazy while you were having it. But now you're trying to piece together these scary ass piece of events too. It started those weeks ago with a dream of the, and me, hanging and ended with Cynthia mentioning Court when she came to pick them up. There was another dream recently with Taylor, but it felt really natural. But this one... is scary. Especially when I realize what I've been thinking lately. Last time I thought of Tay and everything, I thought, what happens if Court assaults her? Surely Cynthia wouldn't forgive that, but what all happens there...?
And then that dream. Now that I think about the comical part, Michael shouldn't look that young and baby-faced. But when we talked about Tay and what was going on, it was all just eerie. Do I believe the cute face that I trust, or my cousin (which speaks for itself?)? Knowing the girl has a history and is 'promiscuous', do I say anything, take a side or just continue to gnaw my lip and fidget? In the end, I'm proud of myself. I came to the logical conclusion that that was an Orion clone (Star Trek saved me! My second most recent ep too!). And yet, I really just realized, what happens when that's the real thing throwing accusations?
Maybe this dream was my fault, and not prophetic. Considering all these things were on my mind in some way and it cleared itself with Star Trek. But. When Austin calls wakes me up from it as I realize I want to continue, it all feels a little scary. To invite me to Cynt's no less. I don't expect that amaiable mood I love and am used to at all, but I want to try. At least to show them I don't mind and also just in case there will be a talk. I think talks are necessary, but lately, none of the adults have been getting into them at crucial matters.
Cynthia when Taylor needs and wants to talk, nor Grandma and Mom last night after their argument was said and done. I felt family discussion was in order and voiced it at normal voice level. We just left. I tell myself I won't, but if I ever have a family. We. Will. Talk. That's all there is to it.
I don't know what I'mma do and why I'm stressing. But I guess I'll just try and dress now and bring over my DS and ST magazine and enjoy myself. Yep... Mmhm.
And then that dream. Now that I think about the comical part, Michael shouldn't look that young and baby-faced. But when we talked about Tay and what was going on, it was all just eerie. Do I believe the cute face that I trust, or my cousin (which speaks for itself?)? Knowing the girl has a history and is 'promiscuous', do I say anything, take a side or just continue to gnaw my lip and fidget? In the end, I'm proud of myself. I came to the logical conclusion that that was an Orion clone (Star Trek saved me! My second most recent ep too!). And yet, I really just realized, what happens when that's the real thing throwing accusations?
Maybe this dream was my fault, and not prophetic. Considering all these things were on my mind in some way and it cleared itself with Star Trek. But. When Austin calls wakes me up from it as I realize I want to continue, it all feels a little scary. To invite me to Cynt's no less. I don't expect that amaiable mood I love and am used to at all, but I want to try. At least to show them I don't mind and also just in case there will be a talk. I think talks are necessary, but lately, none of the adults have been getting into them at crucial matters.
Cynthia when Taylor needs and wants to talk, nor Grandma and Mom last night after their argument was said and done. I felt family discussion was in order and voiced it at normal voice level. We just left. I tell myself I won't, but if I ever have a family. We. Will. Talk. That's all there is to it.
I don't know what I'mma do and why I'm stressing. But I guess I'll just try and dress now and bring over my DS and ST magazine and enjoy myself. Yep... Mmhm.
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