Okay, terms times.

Okay. I don't know if it was the nap in the library, actually making it to math lab or wearing my boots or having the soy pudding or what. But I've sat and pondered and subtlely emoted and I've come to terms with myself and a few conclusions. No matter what, I am alone. Essentially. Grandma loves me dearly, but I honestly believe she can't love me more than her child or just quite as much. Close, but still not the same. I might never have a lover. And no one expresses their love for me in a constant and obvious way. Maybe that'll change, but maybe it never will. But I can be alone. Plenty of people are. I never udnerstood how some people could endure it, but I know now that I will.

I still need or at least want a therapist. It's prbably a great deal menstraul, but I always feel so unheard. I just want some to listen to me, offer me some guidance. Someone I can turn to and tell everything with no fears or regrets. I hope I can get one and see how it goes. Maybe I'll learn something new about myself.

And most importantly, the odds are against me, but I'm going to strive to the things I want. I'll be lazy and often no doubt. That's just me, and I'll try and change it how I can, but I still want to fight for the things I want. Whether I get to join Nintendo, Level-5 or some other company or I have to start my own. I just want to get as close as possible. And enjoy it. Immensely and all the way through. Wish me luck and pray for me. And I hope I stay on track.