Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Well, fuck.

Fuck this shit. Fuck life, fuck people. I'm post-menstrating, I'm cranky, tired and had a long day. People just like to eff with you in these situations, but they don't like the backlash.

The day started well. I was earlier, got a good exercise and started sliding into enjoying my RP buddies more. Except one that I was really looking forward to I now dread. I didn't get the RP I want and I'm starting one w/them I might not want. But hey, if I'm miserable and you're twisting the situation to be selfish (and yet trying to 'amend'), I'll show you selfish and miserable. But the others I love, especially Jake/Penny.

HCD was great, and even made new aquaintances and got a firmer grasp on myself. After was horrible. My uncle pisses me the hell off. Men piss me the hell off. People piss me the hell off. The only men I'm ever going to love are going to be fictional men. I hate people venting, not caring about you at all and not listening, but wanting to be so selfish, like they're the only one affected. And then they want to shut you up or speak for you or some shit. I'm just sick of shit. I'm sick of racists, ignorant fools and just plain fuckery and foolery. That's gonna be my new fucking motto.

While in the car, I was convincing myself to be calm and happy, but I guess I'm intent on being angry. I tried to remember the nice, chill lady (a grandma!) from financial aid. Or how smooth classes went (except I bombed a quiz I knew answers to). Or that I try to take care of myself. It don't matter now. I'm sick of putting myself aside for people. I'm sick of Gaia. I'm just sick. I just need to vent, rant and nag.

I forget half of what I was thinking and wanted to put. Damn. I feel better and worse. I don't know. I'm just done until I remember and update. And these people had better leave me the fuck alone.

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