Hi hi~!

Well not much has been going on, but that's good! I finally caught up in geo hw, but now I'm lagging on the quizzes, hehe. And I'm doing wonderfully in math so far. And actually, I think math will be my okay course and that geo will be my tough one. But I kind of prefer that. But this journal was really supposed to be about HCD. I'll only put a little now because of the time (the Japanese craft thing is in a few minutes!), but Ms. Mathis told us a lot about people sticking to things, laying out inspirational notes and got me to thinking about my dream(s). So what if they're far-fetched and unlikely? Whether it's being a manga-ka/game developer in japan, or here. Or doing novels or even lite novels. I'm gonna try and do whatever the hell I want. And I gotta start pushing myself to type up, organize and sort through my ideas, develop things and be successful. Not try. Be.

I'm gonna start by trying to actually finish, start and conclude my RPs as well as round up characters, ideas and start storying (haha wat). Between fanfics, original fics and maybe some poems, I just want to write. Pick up inspiration, grasp, separate it, be original, refreshing and new. I think I can do it. I feel and believe I can. I'll definitely start and try. I also need to finish that website so that I can post stories and art there. Which I also need to work on.

I also have to note being glad I am not a fantasy character of any sort, because I know from playing Rune Factory Frontier (and just now seriously realizing from ToT), that I would push myself and just overdue it. I'd be screwed, haha. I don't even know how anyone manages to get you or you get home from collapsing in certain places. At least you're exhausted as all hell in ToT. (That game don't play!)

Anyways, since I went ahead and updated, I'll go ahead and start my thoughts and rants in another (perhaos mini-)journal. I hope everyone had a great weekend and will have a lovely week.

Okay, terms times.

Okay. I don't know if it was the nap in the library, actually making it to math lab or wearing my boots or having the soy pudding or what. But I've sat and pondered and subtlely emoted and I've come to terms with myself and a few conclusions. No matter what, I am alone. Essentially. Grandma loves me dearly, but I honestly believe she can't love me more than her child or just quite as much. Close, but still not the same. I might never have a lover. And no one expresses their love for me in a constant and obvious way. Maybe that'll change, but maybe it never will. But I can be alone. Plenty of people are. I never udnerstood how some people could endure it, but I know now that I will.

I still need or at least want a therapist. It's prbably a great deal menstraul, but I always feel so unheard. I just want some to listen to me, offer me some guidance. Someone I can turn to and tell everything with no fears or regrets. I hope I can get one and see how it goes. Maybe I'll learn something new about myself.

And most importantly, the odds are against me, but I'm going to strive to the things I want. I'll be lazy and often no doubt. That's just me, and I'll try and change it how I can, but I still want to fight for the things I want. Whether I get to join Nintendo, Level-5 or some other company or I have to start my own. I just want to get as close as possible. And enjoy it. Immensely and all the way through. Wish me luck and pray for me. And I hope I stay on track.

...

I let an egg explode and the other two burn. While balancing homework and an overdue profile. Grandma had every right to be mad... But some of it felt so out of control. Like there was a culmination of anger that was centered and honed on me, and there was no escaping it no matter what occured. She said 'this isn't the first this has hapened', and it wasn't. But it's also not the first time she's exploded at me after a build-up and left others without harsh words. I don't think she realized as much. And seeing as it's pre-menstraul for me. I cried. A lot. And gagged. But it got me to thinking.

Am I ever going to amount to anything? There's no room for people like me in my interests. I'll never reach my goals. I probably won't get far. I'm not bright, particularly pretty and I'm fairly annoying. And I'm a black woman, but don't let me bring in the rest of the racial and gender based thoughts. I missed my old life My auntie, my grandpa. A lot. And I realized, I have no one who sincerely and whle-heartedly values me in this world. Grandma will always love her children more, because they're her's. No matter what I do and how they screw-up. And my own parents... feel less for me than grandma does. So who and what do I have? I have no one to confide to either. I decided I want to get a therapist. I need someone to listen, and I need guidance.

It's all probably just mentraul, and a lot happened... But I suddenly understand and feel so alone and lost. I'm going to go sleep on the couch now.

unf?

Well, all the NMH2 news was unf. And Beelzebub and One Piece's action is pretty intense. And I just started reading ARISA. UNF. In a different way. It's by Zodiac P.I.'s Ando-sensei. NO WONDER!! ARISA does not at all feel like a shoujo to me man. And hardly slice of life. It's almost light thriller. And this is early on! But it may end early for all I know.

Manga aside, it's been a nice week and weekend. I've slacked on my HW and math lab this week, but I don't intend to next week. Or to let my time slip by me anymore. I gotta take control of my will and schedule. Be a creator. Victim or critic just won't cut it for me. I've already started with getting a pre-paid to order my clothes, and thank goodness the order went through (I hope I get everything!). And grandma is so sweet to me, not only does she not want me to pay back my books, but she bought a shirt at Macy's. ...FOR $110! I love her. And apparently she loves me too.

Attended JCC today too. Playing ninja was too much fun. And next time, I will record it. Even if it's going to come out tiny. TTATT / >u<'
Also, planning for J-Town next month, so hopefully I can pick up more decor and organizing stuffs for mah room. And the manga I've been wanting... Maybe they'll have Summer Wars on DVD!? (/Goes to Kinokuniya site)


Tis all. I hope to have a great rest of the month. Yeah! And same for everyone else.
Man, I still gotta scan and draw...

Title forgotten but...!

There was a lot I was supposed to say last night! My first time treating myself (which is damn good), seeing all these cute PaPetch plans and dolls and more cute, getting sweates with pockets and seeing Alex at Raley's again looking cuter (and sexier!?) than ever all the while looking the same.

Yeah, we had an action-packed weekend, and things have simply been coasting by lately. I wasn't too on top of the assignments during break, and kind of lollying lately, but I feel like I can do it. I overcame how ovrewhelmed I was the other day to do so. Anyhow, today will hopefully be classes, taking mom and grandma out to lunch and being home the rest of the time to RP, do homework and just laze. And make my bed =A=. And I'm awfully sad about losing most of the things I ordered and hope I can get them or better next time around, and soon. They're so perfectly year-round.

Alas, I gotta finish getting ready and plot out what to do financially. And just get to class. I hope I stay awake today.

Well, fuck.

Fuck this shit. Fuck life, fuck people. I'm post-menstrating, I'm cranky, tired and had a long day. People just like to eff with you in these situations, but they don't like the backlash.

The day started well. I was earlier, got a good exercise and started sliding into enjoying my RP buddies more. Except one that I was really looking forward to I now dread. I didn't get the RP I want and I'm starting one w/them I might not want. But hey, if I'm miserable and you're twisting the situation to be selfish (and yet trying to 'amend'), I'll show you selfish and miserable. But the others I love, especially Jake/Penny.

HCD was great, and even made new aquaintances and got a firmer grasp on myself. After was horrible. My uncle pisses me the hell off. Men piss me the hell off. People piss me the hell off. The only men I'm ever going to love are going to be fictional men. I hate people venting, not caring about you at all and not listening, but wanting to be so selfish, like they're the only one affected. And then they want to shut you up or speak for you or some shit. I'm just sick of shit. I'm sick of racists, ignorant fools and just plain fuckery and foolery. That's gonna be my new fucking motto.

While in the car, I was convincing myself to be calm and happy, but I guess I'm intent on being angry. I tried to remember the nice, chill lady (a grandma!) from financial aid. Or how smooth classes went (except I bombed a quiz I knew answers to). Or that I try to take care of myself. It don't matter now. I'm sick of putting myself aside for people. I'm sick of Gaia. I'm just sick. I just need to vent, rant and nag.

I forget half of what I was thinking and wanted to put. Damn. I feel better and worse. I don't know. I'm just done until I remember and update. And these people had better leave me the fuck alone.

Yay, Education~!

It's nice to be back in school, especially because I enjoy my classes and schedule. I wish the gaps weren't so big, and others not so small, but I'm enjoying it all the same. I like my teachers for sure, and the atmosphere in all the classes seems pleasant so far. Although I gotta say, I've been oddly and randomly lethargic these first couple days, but I hope it'll wear off. Matter-of-fact, I was knocked ut early last night, somewhere between 7 and 10, and I woke up late by thirty minutes, but I was doin pretty good throughout the day~. I hope I can stay awake tomorrow, especially since I was falling asleep in geo last time (so sorry Mr. Crosier!).

In other news... We now return to Courage, the Cowardly Dog Show!! Just kidding ♥. (I wish I wasn't!) On the topic of 'dogs' though, I started reading Wolf Guy - Wolfen Crest. DAMN. Akira Inugami is hot stuff. Bad ass, noble, refined kind of goofy and hot as firey hell. I love his ears too. He's like a lean version of Guts in some ways. They would get along well. And his atittude ranks up there with Akagi and Kaiji in bad ass mode. Those four together... would be so FRICKIN EPIC!!!

But fangirling aside... I started Kongou Bancho too and got caught up on Yankee-kun to Megane-chan. Delinquents have been popular as mazing reminded me, but all of a sudden, they seem increasingly popular. I love it. No. I flove it. And seinen delinquents too, because Wolf Guy has plenty and Inugami would almost be borderline if he were full human. Almost. It'd be like Kongou style without all of the pure, straight-forward honor. (And I so love his line. I'm gonna spam it like mad.)

But I gotta be finishin that paper thingy... And here's to hoping I do it right. And I need to get to bed, though I want to read WG again. A new chapter especially. Maybe I can hunt down raws? And here's to hoping AWFTS puts me to sleep. I love Itou-san ♥.

Ahh

I remember now. I originally posted not to talk about all the fun and excitement, but to vent my frustrations. Even though it was at Macy's, it was closing and I privately tried to hold a serious conversation with my mom while everyone else was distracted. And then with my sister afterwards. Even talking to grandma today, I was brushed off. Though at the hair salon, she mentioned how Vincent did it and how they have to do it at work and even away when thinking of their career hell's. Their's is mostly excusable.

Not being able to hold a serious talk with family, is not. I miss tea time. I miss being able to talk with Jalysa and Taylor about serious matters and have a light air on the side. I like being able to get into deep, sometimes grave matters and understand each other. I hate being brushed off and ignored. In general, but it's worse when I want to have a serious talk. Or they just refuse to be serious.

I don't like being the only serious one. But maybe I'm too serious sometimes? Too often. I don't know if they're too whimsical and frivolous or not.

But hey, next time any of them want to have a serious talk, I'm just gonna brush them off. I have to remember to stick to my guns, regardless of their defense/threats and keep my isolation. Can't even trust my own family.

Hur Hur. Murr.

I cannot find my Basquash. Not that I looked for 21 today...

Anyways, I'm slowly weening myself off of Gaia and its useless. But just a little. I have got to find a good place to RP. I hope there's someplace. I will hunt and hunt for it, man. Because friends, rp and frequent help topics are all that keep me there. The idiocy is unbearable sometimes. But that aside, I'm slowly getting reattached to dA and I'm also trying to pull myself back into drawing and writing more (and looking into that website more as well). I'm paying more attention to my interests and games as well... And family....

WOW! He's actually getting married. And I like his fiancee and her daughter. We have common interests too. We love cute characters, video games, cartoons and share a love for most Japanese stuff (I'm on/off with it lately). But I'm happy. I have someone I can relate to. And she can be serious and goofy.

And I'm fairly excited about school now. Mostly because a counselor helped me get my problem solved, and I have a college success class! I really hope it helps me find answers and myself. And hopefully I can stay dedicated to my classes (and creativity and interests). I'm also working on cleaning my room, organizing and still hunting down those drawings.

Aside from that... Nothing! I'm over the virus now, mostly, and looking forward to catching up with everyone. And now I guess I'll try and doodle an OC, eat nabe and convince myself to finish posting on everyone's deviations ^u^'.

A wonderful night, weekend and fall semester to everyone!

Just Checkin

As of now, still recovering from the virus (what am I, a computer?), listening to some new music and about to watch Basquash ep 20. I think it's everything I have wanted and waited for, but I could be wrong. Hopefully I'm not. But importantly, in my last journal, I finished feeling like I missed something and I indeed missed something valuable.

I wanted to talk about Thirteen Orphans (and maybe my general distaste of this horrible culture in novels). Thirteen Orphans... When I first read those starting pages with Albert Yu, the mahjong bit had me rolling my eyes. And so I shut, but tried to read it again yesterday. I didn't like how Brenda's dad was set up or that all these supposedly important people with Chinese ties/ancestry looked ethnic only in their old age and were half Chinese at best. It felt so white. Like 'maybe you grow into ethnicity?'(or however it was put). Uh, no. I definitely didn't grow into looking black. Anyway, I read a little further really skipping past any detailed mahjong talk and felt myself glare or be weirded out by the 'Mystic Orient' refs. After the third or second one, I just quit reading. And now the dilemma is, am I in the wrong or is the author? The author isn't Chinese (at all, as far I know) and it doesn't feel like Avatar (where Bryke researched, hired and traveled). So, am I just being ignorant and/or sensitive, or did they seriously just try to write a good novel with Chinese influences and degrade the race? The worst part is, I don't know who to go to. Racialicious? Angry Asian Man? LJ Comm? I really don't know. And another book I like just got annoying too. Magic or Madness is the only one I stuck with. Hopefully, I'll have better luck next time.

I guess it's just me, Perfume and Basquash now.

Well, damn

I just spent all of yesterday and most of today lying sick in bed. Right when that 'tonsil' stone went away, my throat and cough took turns getting worse. Then Wedn. night I could hardly without nearly jolting awake, and Thurs. came and at 3(:3o so to be exact), I felt it worse. I vomitted maybe a fourth or the gatorade and water I'd had that day. Maybe a lot less, is all I know, was that it was endless and painful and disgusting. I was so glad I had managed to make a doctor's appointment for the next day. It was weird that kept staring at the 'antibiotics...cold/virus' poster, like it was meant for me, and when I got in the doctor's office and he told me virus, I knew he was going to say there was no medicine to make it better, not completely, anyway. I'm on five different medicines now, but for symptoms and not the sickness. How come we don't have a cure for viruses? Apparently they can be quite dangerous (and I'm lucky I'm not hospitalized).

But I can't complain entirely, because I still got to read through 2/3 of the Magic or Madness series and still enjoyed Raina and her daughter. Just starving and being awake almost 24/7 but not so tired as usual has weirded me out. After tossing my cookies, I was afraid to eat or drink at all. And while I have started eating (in tiny portions quite slowly), I'm afraid to eat certain things. I just want to be better. I do not want to spend my last week of summer in bed. Why do viruses last two weeks? Why couldn't I just have the flu or something?

But oh well. Hopefully I'll be well enough when school starts and have a day or two to check out where my classes are and maybe even see a counselor. For now, I'll go walk around the kitchen like an idiot, wondering what to eat and trying to lie in bed calmly.

Mama, mama!

Tonight has been a bit of a struggle. I suppose I never quite got off my period, which makes sense since I bled a shorter time. So being emotional is part of the territory. Part of it was sympathy for my cousin, sorrow for losing my auntie (and slightly grandpa) and just menstrual. But I did get some good grocery shopping done, so I can't complain. Actually, this week has been grand. It's had serious downs, but nice ups.

Pochama's birthday was nice, the mall was nice, going around today with grandma was tiring but fun. And laughing my tail off and having the vs, debate with Tay was fun too. And my manga... It was one after another. Toriko, Kimi ni Todoke, Momo. And I reread my LoveCom's. I was heart-broken to learn there was no One Piece, but right after I saw Usagi Drop was updated. Five bloody chapters! That as well, is orgasm worthy. And these were such great chapters. UD really makes me want kids... Whether my own or adopted. I'm so iffy. I really haven't had a boyfriend and doesn't seem like I will anytime soon. So the question is, will I even have a boyfriend/fiance/husband? But I wouldn't mind being Daikichi. Not at all.

Well, to a point, heh. And of course, anima has brought me out of my shell a bit too. It's nice, being part of the crowd and even standing outside looking in. And I'm proud for my work on Goichi and seeing Shaz's art made me want to draw and doodle. And color. I have to really get myself into it and organize myself soon. Driver's Ed, cleaning, organizing, scheduling, keeping to my promises/plans. There's a lot to do, but I have faith in myself.

It has been a truly refreshing day. Seeing Anna at gamestop, being comfortable and enjoying my family's company. I like this. I even got a little prayer in lately. Things are tough, but we're pulling through. I hope things keep up this way. With more One Piece, Usagi Drop and other great manga too of course.

Oh, goodness

Alright Tin, you knew the dream was effing crazy while you were having it. But now you're trying to piece together these scary ass piece of events too. It started those weeks ago with a dream of the, and me, hanging and ended with Cynthia mentioning Court when she came to pick them up. There was another dream recently with Taylor, but it felt really natural. But this one... is scary. Especially when I realize what I've been thinking lately. Last time I thought of Tay and everything, I thought, what happens if Court assaults her? Surely Cynthia wouldn't forgive that, but what all happens there...?

And then that dream. Now that I think about the comical part, Michael shouldn't look that young and baby-faced. But when we talked about Tay and what was going on, it was all just eerie. Do I believe the cute face that I trust, or my cousin (which speaks for itself?)? Knowing the girl has a history and is 'promiscuous', do I say anything, take a side or just continue to gnaw my lip and fidget? In the end, I'm proud of myself. I came to the logical conclusion that that was an Orion clone (Star Trek saved me! My second most recent ep too!). And yet, I really just realized, what happens when that's the real thing throwing accusations?

Maybe this dream was my fault, and not prophetic. Considering all these things were on my mind in some way and it cleared itself with Star Trek. But. When Austin calls wakes me up from it as I realize I want to continue, it all feels a little scary. To invite me to Cynt's no less. I don't expect that amaiable mood I love and am used to at all, but I want to try. At least to show them I don't mind and also just in case there will be a talk. I think talks are necessary, but lately, none of the adults have been getting into them at crucial matters.

Cynthia when Taylor needs and wants to talk, nor Grandma and Mom last night after their argument was said and done. I felt family discussion was in order and voiced it at normal voice level. We just left. I tell myself I won't, but if I ever have a family. We. Will. Talk. That's all there is to it.

I don't know what I'mma do and why I'm stressing. But I guess I'll just try and dress now and bring over my DS and ST magazine and enjoy myself. Yep... Mmhm.

Well, well, well!

I just wanted to use that title. I've been using some retro-speak lately and I love it all. I'm going to try and use 'well, well, well' next! Anyways, news of the late. Things are weird but comfortable - mostly! I didn't bend and go to the beach, but neither did the group because the plan was killed. But we did eat Korean at SG, and I loved it. It was a delicious meal and an over all fun day. And the evening with Nanu, and mom and grandma to a lesser extent were pleasant as well.

After that, it's mainly been catching ST online, waiting for Monday to try and catch TTGL at least once, and bringing myself to where I want to be. Mostly again. I've been looking over my older stuff and looking over new stuff on gaia, and I've decided to start writing more sample posts, profiles (even if I don't even apply for the rp) and trying my hand at more fanfiction. Probably NMH to a little, mostly original and rebooting my MM-TP fic. I'm also making my game list and checking it twice, as well as heavily reviewing my finances in head. And going over my schedule a bit. I'm proud for how I'm trying to organize myself and hope I can keep it up. And I really need to clean my room (and closet) before Summer is over, and finish at leats 90% of my games. Hope I get to it all. I also want to experiment with cooking starting late July or early/mid-August.

And while I'm dissatisfied that my nightly prayers are cut short or inexistent, I haven't given up trying. And while nothing can really make up for that, a part of me feels comforted and overjoyed by Blue Moon3's ST stories. I am really going to have to review on them and show my love soon (and catch up on dA).

Well, I'm going to catch some Uhura TOS scenes and maybe read more, and head to bed. Night and a wonderful week to all.

Mwoooh

I really wanna make a website. Mainly to help sort my ideas, and it would be nice to have my graphics up there. Unfortunately, I'm so lazy when it comes to my art that I got nothing to post there. But hopefully I can change that soon. Browsing through people's pages though and being awed, was inspiring and made me drop my head. I wish I weren't so darn lazy. Maybe if I pretend it's a school assignment or something, I'll actually get somewhere.

And I feel so ... torn. I love my break, but a part of me misses school. And if it ain't fall (or spring), I has no money. Curse financial aid. But I did just finish trying to plan my financial aid, so hopefully I'll be able to stick with, or even save myself some money. I feel like I'll need it all when I transfer (but lets hope it'll be better than I think). I'll probably need to keep track of my spending too. ...I had better.

As anxious as I am for school, I'm going to try and milk my break. And pray that my last (hopefully three) semesters at community are wonderful (financially, productively and academically).

Cooking Show Fun Time

Well I was going to post about going to Costco on Friday and how interesting and semi-miserable it was, considering my uncle's pompous and Christian/religious attitude. Trying to twist words and not letting his own be twisted, and his horrible math that probably was perfect in his head (just buy your own pizza!). But it's not as fresh in my mind now, haha.



But I must admit, I've been watching a lot of Heroes lately. And it's just what I thought. A pretty good show. I still don't care for it much. There's no real minority on the show, everything is all over the place and to me, most of all them feel like bad guys, and it seems like Sylar is the only bad guy that is being punished. But I am in love with Gabriel Grey. Maybe just a little bit more than I am with Sylar. Quinto, you're amazing. That's all there is to it.



I haven't been gaming much, but I intend to soon. I passed by the time with a little ToT, but I really want AP. And all those lovely Nintendo games awaiting us this and early next year. And E3! So we will actually know something about Zelda. And I still want Termina damnit. Maybe if I actually bring myself to draw something cool and proper, I can get a Termina based fanart and send it to Nintendo. I don't think they know how many fans Termina has. And while my sketch has gone wonderful, I've forgotten all about inking and coloring, so I hope to get some signifcant and successful practice in on those. And I also want to start my drivers ed (permit session) on Monday. Here's to hoping I can take the test on Wedn or Thurs and actually pass. It's been on my mind a lot, and I even partially dreamed about it last night (yikes). As long as all this doesn't end badly.

Ah, and now for the meat of the post. Cooking! Get it, meat? Yeah. ... So while watching Food Network last night, I almost cried because of the good food and urge to cook. Like, seriously. And now I also feel myself wanting to go vegan-veg. Or mostly anyway. I don't think I can do it entirely. And I love how people make it seem like meat is healthy for you and your diet, but it's so bloody unhealthy. I won't even get into it. But yeah, FN and going on Gaia's Food/Drink subforum made me kind of want to go to culinary school. I thought of having a cafe and all before, but then I thought why not a vegan restaurant? There are so few as it is, and so many vegans and vegatarians. It probably wouldn't be too successful, but still. Maybe. Just maybe. But I just hope I find my place. And soon. And that I get to talk to a counselor about my schedule soon too ^u^'.



Anywho, I can think of nothing more to say now. Except for how much I love Yo-Yo Ma and miss my 5050. I'll be listening to the latter soon ♥. A nice weekend to all and a great day!

Retro Good

Schway, cool beans, bomb diggity, chillax. How old am I? For serious, what got me into these old words? Lawlz. Well, there's something new at least. I can't say that I am actually indies or retro (though I'd like to pretend), but I do love the retro style, and am all for the indies. And actually, I only brought up indies because I saw it in the urban dictionary with retro. That dictionary is my second best friend.

And while using my best friend, I had the smarts enough to use it to help me with my 'IDENTITY CRISIS!'. Meaning, I looked up the definition of nerd and geek. I still don't know which I am, but I'll just take whichever label people want to give me, kehe. Anywho, hopefully I can bring myself to go do something (mildly) productive now. And I'll probably post again later after we've gotten our hair done. I miss Vincent so much! Hopefully we'll have lots of fun. Ta ta for now! (Chip chip, cheerio~?)

Sweet Reminiscence

I am so glad I didn't go back to Puchinri on gaia and that I 'deleted' it. Since I just started using it again (and somehwat minimally), I've been hanging back and eying things. And just earlier tonight I decided to go through the my old posts, mostly to see what others would come across. But I was so surprised and happy! Not only did I roleplay with so many 'friends' so far back, but it was such a fun and vivid time. Everything wasn't uber, advanced lit, but I liked it more. And not only did I just have more fun, but I think I was more creative. My characters certainly were. I miss that time. It also made me realize more the things I grew up and enjoyed, and still do.

Sonic, Legend of Zelda and even Sailor Moon. I even grew up with Kirby a little bit. How could I even start to let these things go? Well, I didn't necessarily, but now I'm seeing again how much I enjoyed them. I want to embrace them even more again. And I'm always happy to open myself to new things and enjoy more new series (like Dragon Quest and all), but now I'm seeing the things I loved again and regaining a stronger passion for them. I suppose it helps that doodling earlier, I was proud of myself. It wasn't great, but I realized I was catching flow and movement, a hint of life, and there was a little bit of a personal style in it. It may be all post-menstraul or something, but I hope I can keep this night and everything that came with it.

For a while now, I'd been worrying about updating and feeling like I had nothing, but now it all feels very worth it. Very much so. And I'm fairly sure there was another game title I thought of alongside Sonic and Zelda, but I don't remember it now. But that's okay too. Wow, now that I think about it... I even played Harvest Moon all those years ago. This Summer, I have to make it about me. Remembering me, finding me and improving me. Enjoying me. I want to finish my old games, start new ones (and finish them), draw more than I ever have at any given time and simply explore. I hope I'm successful. Actually, any attempt is a success. This is a journal I need to look back on often as well.

That's that. Revisit my creativity. Gaming, writing, drawing. And cooking too even! And hunting down new songs to listen to of course. I think I'll have a nice night tonight. And I hope I can actually finish my prayers for once! It feels like an eternity since I said them, properly no less.
EDIT:: Ah, the other was Pokemon! That should have been a no brainer, haha!

Dig it in there...!

Dang, man. Just dang! Shore Leave started out hilarious. I just adore Star Trek, and don't care how old it is. Maybe it is worth it to buy the DVDs. But aside frm Star Trek, I will admit to finding amusement in my own antics. I guess I deserved it. And I'm terribly glad that mom and D-Wayne didn't see it. I don't know where my hissing sound effects come from though, and I feel bad for Taylor that she had to witness that. But seriously. Hair in the eye? In the mouth, sure, I can't take that. Nasty, but I can take that. In the eye, downright ridiculous and painful.

These past few days have been nice and relatively productive idea-wise, and only slightly so otherwise, but I hope for the best! And why do they not seel frozen yogurt in stores!? Like, for serious? Do they just not want me to make my own smoothies? That badly. I'll find a way though. Anyway, I don't know what else to say so I guess I'll go read some SpoHura and sleep! Night all, and take care!

E3 was so hot, I orgasmed when I napped. But seriously, Nintendo just pwned the effing year. I seriously hope a demo for at least one of those (wii!) games is at E for All. Especially the SMG2 demo. I don't even mind that there was no Zelda (as far as I know), simply because that means they must be putting more into it and we already have all these wonders. And forrealies, I need to play Metroid Prime 2 and get 3. Ubisoft did not disappoint either with NMH trailer. And Monado looked interesting too. And when you add in all the other games we already know we're getting, it's just a beautiful fiscal year. Or just, summer, the holidays and then '10. Cuz this year was awesome, in many ways, but '10 is looking fabulous.

And I've been having fun putting myself to graphics and doodling when the moment pops up. And after grandma's birthday, I'm going to jump to try and get on schedule. I'm ecstatic for Summer. I just want to rest. But I'm also eager for the semester. I seriously hope I can quell any lazy urges, especially the threatening ones. I really want to start on my games later this week too. Especially with what I've seen and things like The Conduit coming out (this month!).

Well, I'll leave it there. I wanna try fanart for all these new games. And what I've heard about Zelda. Thank you Miyamoto-sensei! I just wish he said more about Pikmin ;u;.

Shway Way

Missing the old days, but looking forward to what the future holds. It was going to be the catchphrase of an rp of mine, but I think it just summarizes me. I'll have to do an art with it to represent those series I hold close.

These past few days have been so fun and amazing. Climbing in and out of my mom's Mustang's window, hanging with friends, watching Star Trek for the third time, actually accomplishing things and just feeling in a pleasant mood. It feels wonderful, and I hope I can have many days like this even when the semester starts. I also hope to start my driving stuff soon. I really do want my permit at least. It would be so convenient.

Also I need to start looking at my secret recipe site so that I can prepare myself for when the semester begins. I'll probably start cooking those types of dishes three or so weeks before fall begins. I also need to put myself to my art and writing. And if I'm lucky, I'll be able to find a handful of valuable rp partners. NSA are necessary.

I'm also looking forward to the games and trying to finish my own. As well as where the shows are heading. So exciting. I feel like 09 has been a nice year so far, and I hope it continues this way. I have been extremely blessed, and I pray they will continue through.

Well, I guess I better start rounding things up. Or so I say. I hope everyone has a wonderful rest of the week. ♥

Absolutely Lovely

Today was fantastic, and it's only about 3 pm! We had to leave early that we left (9 or 10 am!), due to the apartment being sprayed. Grandma said we were going to mom's at first, but we ended up at breakfast with her friend from work since they basically spent a whole week or two apart. It was kind of funny, especially when the food came out. They gawked at my plate and grandma acted as the peanut gallery, but I just ate. Breakfast ended nicely though, and we went to the friend's to get a bird out of her cherry tree (she put a net around it) and even got some cherries ♥. They're bloody delicious. And she has such a perfect house and in such a perfect neighborhood. Grandma is always talking about houses, well, I see where we should look!

Afterwards, we went to the store next (-next) door that they like and we even got her brother's birthday gifts bought and mailed at the UPS next door (courtesy Elaine's great idea/insight). After which we joined her friend at Bel-Air and then the movie invite popped up. I am indeed eager to see Mr. Quinto again. Is it a shame that I address him that way? Anywho. Went to the Longs and then grandma told me about a frozen yogurt place, and I was enamored. HeavenLy's. A character name waiting to happen (I've already started planning her). Kaiser followed by a pointless trip to my mom's brought us home. And now I'm waiting to hear news about going to the movie's from my friend. ...I REALLY WANNA GO!!

Oh My Gosh

I am so in love. Seriously, I haven't got off my Star Trek high. I'm even going to Burger King today just to get a Spock glass. And while I have a touch more affection for the characterization in TOS, I am enamored with Zachary Quinto and Chris Pine, as their characters and themselves.

I was hunting down TOS Spock x Uhura scenes, but I stumbled upon an interview of the handsome duo. Hot dang. I fell in love. If I ever acticely pursue romance, I'm going to aspire to someone like either of them. A most improbable hope and thus, perhaps an illogical pursuit, but one I shall endeavor too. ...That was a good impersonation, wasn't it? So yeah, I ended up watching a couple of videos, but not in their entirety. And maybe I can find more. Or one of Zach and Zoe. That would be interesting. He mentioned knowing her before too, but are they as close as him and Chris? I kind of doubt it, but hot and interesting all the same. Anyways. Point in case. Love. Finish the videos. Hopefully hunt down more SpockUra fics (and vids?).

I was also hunting down a lot of novels. I hope I find a number of good ones. And finally, W.I.T.C.H was updated. It was pretty darn awesome. Though never felt so bad for Will, but also very proud. You go Will! ♥
...Now just gotta wait for my One Piece.

It is highly logical

That Star Trek is one of the best movies ever. I remember enjoying it quite a bit as a kid, and even loving it at one point in time, but it's been a while. And in early HS years, TOS stroked my curiousity, but it died. But now, the movie has done it for me. it doesn't help that I've had this space-sci fi-mecha craving lately. Even though there was no mecha, it was still so amazing. And loved the SpockxUhura through and through. My mind is now rampant with ideas and I'm eager to draw them out later too. Alongside finals stuff I need to work on.

Otherwise, I did quite a bit of doodling recently. And while they have a number of obvious problems, I'm proud. I hope I can keep it up ♥. And hopefully, I can get art, graphics and writing practice in. Hopefully a lot during summer. And fnishing my games... Things are nice now. Not all is perfect, but I really liked today and most of yesterday (that I can remember at least). I hope things stay this way.

I have nothing else to say, but if I do, I guess I'll just update ♥.

I had almost forgotten, Spock has got me hooked on the whole 'highly (il)logical/the probability' and all that
'blah blah, smart talk science!'. I love my inner nerd. And I wish I had more nerd friends ;o;.

NEVER FORGET!!

I'm putting it here so I don't forget. It's important to think sharply about my future.

It's smart and not a bad idea to go abroad for a while to save up money, and maybe do some research on the side.

It wouldn't hurt to keep an eye on gamasutra, to continue researching and working hard and also developing and practicing.

It's not too much to pursue my dream. An English major is versatile. I want to focus on creative/fictional writing, so I had better understand the media and my audience better. Look at more children's books, etc. Look into it, the courses and just go for it.

Don't forget. Work hard. Persevere. Don't give up.

Intensity

We just watched Changeling. It was a beautiful but kind of frightening watch. I feel some parts of it were fairly terrifying even. And the reality of it really scared me. What Christine suffered and the fact that her child may have died or simply was never found was truly heart-breaking, but I'm so thankful she was given justice and that it was served, and at least one couple got their child back (I hope they did in reality). Today has been a mildly slow but peaceful day, and it's weird with the semester ending. I'll probably never see or talk to some of my friends again, but hopefully I can make new ones.

Anyways, I have nothing to say now, excite that I excited for Heart Gold/Silver Soul. I'll update again later, and I need to reserve quite a number of games ♥. A wonderful weekend and upcoming week to all.

Die a Christian?

I just had a breakdown in the shower. I don't know if I ever have before, but with everything that just went on, I suppose it's justified. Nearing my period and arguing with the sperm donor as usual. My mom wanted to talk to him as always, and as always, he just irks my nerves. But I guess I did say too much this time, but in a way, I'm very pleased I did. I almost had it calculated that way. Spill everything about my aunt to him, who's big ass mouth just spreads everything and will go back to her. I kind of hope she confronts me, because it'll be her trying to talk for once instead of avoiding everyone and running away from Tay trying to talk to her. But that's what brought on the breakdown.

The first thing I did when we got home was hop in shower, and only two or five minutes in I think things over and start crying. I started to, because I didn't want to be weak and shameful and I have to keep it together so grandpa can be proud. But then I realized how selfish that was. Grandpa valued family, but I'm already losing hope in, selfishly closing it off and devaluing it. He told me to be me, but I'm not really about those things either. I thought I'm just as disgusting if not worse. But then, I remembered he did tell me to be me. And I'm not sure what 'me' grandpa knew, but I am resourceful, well-meaning and clever when I need to be. And I fix things I make a mess of (most of the time). So if something happens, I decided I have to fix it. I went from choking, sobbing, suffocating and unable to properly wash to hocking up my spit and a determined face. Not only am I impressed with myself, but I'm proud. My resolve and thinking. My memory really. I need to be me all the way through, no matter who that is. There are so many details always changing, but I mostly know who I am inside.

But for a while there, I also thought, 'did grandpa ever think he would die a Jehovah's Witness?'. Even his memorial/ceremony was like that. And I thought, 'am I going to die a Christian?'. In the shower, I thought 'are ou punishing me or testing me God?'. When grandpa died, I thought God had betrayed me, but those are selfish thoughts too. I also realized how attached I am to God, but it's natural for me to be open, accepting and even adopting of other religious beliefs and science. I hate churches (the ones I know) and don't trust the Bible for squat. I don't know what God's truth is. I don't even know for sure if God is real, but I believe it through and through. I wonder and doubt, but I hope and feel he is.

I do and don't have any answers anymore. But maybe those things don't matter? I really needed to vent, and I ended up putting and thinking way more than I thought I would. But now I just have to contact and fill in my cousin and apologize. And continue on. I still have a while til the semester is actually over, after all.

I hope and prayer everything goes well. Now that I think about it... my first thought that brought on the tears really was, I lost two people with one. 'I'll never have my auntie or grandpa back.' But she's still alive, so I have to try.

Translation? Uh, no thanks.

I hate how all these people are acting like whatever Biden and Obama say needs to be translated. Uh no, it doesn't. When Biden was talking about the safety, etc he knew what he was saying and talking about. That lady didn't need to go and reword everything he said. And the news trying to rephrase what Obama said he wanted for the next judge was unnecessary too. It was in plain English and a very noble, intelligible thing to say. They try and do things for the public, and everyone tries to screw it up. And I'm sick of folks trying to compare Michelle and Mrs. Kennedy, and trying to put her all over the place now too. It's not cute. If they're that dissatisfied that our First lady has no weakpoints, just look for a new target. One that actually had points that need to be hit and looked at.

In other, unimportant news, I finally beat Mitsuo's shadow. But I've been saying 'I beat the baby', so my family has been giving me weird looks. But I don't blame them. But I'm just enjoying Persona so much. Especially Nanako-chan and Dojima, and increasingly Teddie. I'm even falling in love with Yosuke and Kanji more. I can't wait for the next Persona that bares semblance to 4 (and 3). There are also quite a few other games I'm anxious for, but I'm being a patient kiddy.

And loving Basquash more and more, and very pleased to see others enjoying it and the bloggers (one at least) realizing the show for what it is and enjoying it more for that. I also kind of think bad of people's views now. I feel like so many people (especially the ones I know) are so close-minded. Like, they can't step outside their littles boxes and just enjoy things. And they buy into hyped, cliche things so easily. Or things that are cutesy and 'bland'. But I do too in my own ways, but I feel so conformist in ways. I guess there's a lot going through my head lately.

I've also finally finished one of my MUFHL papers, and now I just have to finish Clara and also start my ANTH paper. One (or even both) of which I intend to do very soon.

And while I've gotten into the art and fashion thing again, more so than usual, I haven't been able to bring myself to draw. But graphics are coming along nicely. And so is RPing... kind of. It's very one-sided actually. Hard to explain. I don't think I'll ever find a partner who can agree with on most levels (agree to disagree at least) and simply enjoy. And I realize how needy and wanty guys are. I thought the guys kind of didn't care, but they're really into the harem thing (and one of them even thought 1x1 is all about smut). I feel so dishearted TTuTT'.

Haha, my blog is probably the most pointless one ever. Well, I guess I'll go back to enjoying my Perfume and Momo-i. And waiting for the next Secret Sats. More Storm Hawks, please? (Come on, a whole new world and that's really the end?)

Dear Deadpool

When I found out Bea Arthur passed away, a bit of me died inside. I wanted to see more her, some how and some way. But I won't. I hope that maybe they'd do something in or with Deadpool to commemorate her. I wish I never found out.

Ann's party was... interesting. Plenty of drinking and drunks. And a particularlu drunken hotty hitting on me. Maybe he wouldn't be interested otherwise, but I was glad. But it was hard babysitting my friend(s) and being bored outside of the video games and disgusted otherwise. So glad I don't drink. I don't want to anymore. But hey, you live and learn, as Conte sang.

And while thinking over Basquash, I realized how diverse the cast truly is. A lot of those characters are quite tan, and of the main 3/4, only of them isn't. Wow. I'm loving it even more. Thank you Mr. Romain, and perhaps Mr. Kawamori? It's always hard to say with him.

But I got nothing else. Finally opened Starset and trying to get myself on track with everything else. I sincerely hope, wish and pray that everything goes okay, for myself and everyone.

A nice night and great dreams to all ♥.

One of Few

Very few. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that doesn't like Hetalia. I know I'm not, but almost. I tried to read a little one time, but I couldn't get into it. It seems like pointless BL. And I prefer my BL with a plot (almost all my pronz with plot actually). The idea is pretty awesome, gijinka countries, and some of the fanart is gorgeous. I just don't care much for the settings and stereotypes. Even if it's meant in good light and light-hearted, it's like RE5 in a way to me. I like to believe they didn't mean for it to be racist imagery, but it's still unnecessary and pretty harsh. History has history. Acting ignorant about it is not excusable, and if you're going to write about something or use its settings, do your research. And when people feel their feelings or culture is offended, I hate how others brush it off, whether of that ethnic descent or not. People have a right to be hurt.
I only just learned about this thing with Korea, but I don't blame them really. If they feel their country isn't portrayed right, even minimally, they don't have to air the show. If the fans can still watch it online, what's the problem? More importantly, they should be sincerely understanding people's feelings rather than defending a fandom. I don't know if people do it because of their pride of love of the show. And when I start to see that kind of ignorance or insensitivty, it makes me like the fandom and series less. And it doesn't help the series any. That goes for RE5 and Hetalia. And a lot of stuff actually...
Since I don't keep up with Hetalia, I don't know if Africa or African Americans are portrayed at all, and I kind of thought even if I don't like it, maybe AA fans that enjoy should get some representation, but then maybe it's better for our ethnicity/culture not to be stereotyped anymore,e specially considering how wonky it all is in Hetalia. Even that title is harsh to me. 'Useless Italy'. Even if Italy wasn't a good guy in WWII, that kind of imagery will prevail in people's minds, and such imagery and ideology is fodder for other people like trolls or racists, etc. Not too mention people seriously absorb and believe stereotypes often. Even amongst friends of mine and classmates, I don't know if people are joking about stereotypes or not sometimes, but it doesn't feel nice even if they are joking.

Maybe if it was done different, and not focused on WWII, I'd be sucked into it. Not to mention the fandom is beginning to remind me of Naruto. Things start off so brilliant but just get disgusting, fandom and canon wise. I am so glad One Piece is One Piece (and that goes for all my other canons I enjoy).

Useless rant. But it felt good.
(Unlike Storm Hawks ending.)

Sweet Youth

The weekend was spent with my sister spending the night and then us unintentionally spending the night with my cousins. Since she slept over, they picked us up Saturday and it was a lot of fun being at downtown with them all (our other cousin even showed up). It was too bad my little Austie Aus wasn't there, but it was fun. But that girl needs to learn not to run off on her own and understand that especially when she's on other people's time and all, things aren't about her. It was an outing for us all, but it was especially for my ('step'-)cousin. After downtown it was back to her house and we spent a lot of time there.

The funniest part was my cousin and her brother arguing over me. With my cousin being my wifey and him claiming me as his girlfriend (and out of the blue making me his santa) it was complicated. More so whe his (partially?) drunk friend said I was cute and some other stuff I missed (but wanted to hear). While we were supposed to get dropped off at 11:30, we ended up going home the next morning. But we did get In-N-Out at least. And as usual, older brother was teasing me about my age and looks, but it's not my fault I'm loli, but I did get called cute a lot because of it. But not all people our age and older are going to think that's cute. I'm actually thinking the guy(s) I like will probably be creeped out to be interested in a younger looking(!) girl. But cest la vie? I don't even remember what that means anymore.

Oh well. And I finally finished Robert's project, of course it came out worse by the end. I'm so sorry Pochama! But now I have my reflective journals, guidance and anth report to do. And MUFHL reports to finish and turn in. Ugh? But I can do it! I sure as heck am gonna try.

And another item cancelled on my order, but at least it was one I didn't want as much. I'm seriously hoping to get the last few. And I also hope to find a belt (just) like the one I missed out on. That was ridiculous though. Out of no where suddenly unavailable though? I'd almost think that they spited me. But I hope they love me~.

And Basquash is heating up for me. Iceman, you are an intense and fun Hottie indeed. And Dan, you're too much. I'm surprised he doesn't somehow make me nosebleed with how much I love him. Just glad I'm not orgasming all over like Sela. And of course, it's like One Piece. Zero, actual romance. I love it, but I think I can see possible pairings, but I'll be glad if it just stays this way. Live on, Basquash ♥. So glad Mr. Romain is on the project, or Kawamura would be murdering it, haha (mostly).

I skip to school?

What I really meant to say was the bus stop. So on the otherside of town hall, grandma has a friend who lives in the houses and she walked over there (they're walking buddies too) and she saw a couple of houses for rent. And one of them is cheaper than our apartment. Moving time? Maybe. Kinda, sorta hopefully. It's convenient since it's also close to the bus stop, and the E-Tran will have a harder time leaving me behind if I'm in front instead of behind it. And it's technically somewhat closer to the RT as well. I hope it's the two-story that she looked into, but even the one story looks nice (and two stories get tedious). I'm hoping we'll get to tour them soon. We've been thinking a lot about moving lately, but we don't any areas that are convenient aside from this one. And lo and behold. I just hope things work out.

And I'm proud of myself as far as classes go. Still slacking a bit, but I got a perfect A on my anecdotals and I feel comfortable with everything else. And I found my concerts and I'm going to try and finish my papers this weekend. I also found some great musicians today in class. But gah, gotta catch the bus so I'll update this or make a new one when I get home.
And the point of skipping to school, I'd skip to the bus stop to make the trip seem shorter.

And so I decided to edit/update this post. Japanese went really, really well. I said Brian danced like Beyonce and earned a nice laugh out of the class, enjoyed most everything and feel like I understand part of our impossible grammar point slightly better. And I've watched Yo!! Son Goku [...] for the umpteenth time now. I'm seriously hoping they do a little something more for DBZ (that Toriyama is involved in), and that it has Tarble, Gure and child Trunks and Goten. I want to see the while group, especially in a fun scene like that, but specifically those characters (and that means something for the timeline). They could mini adventures for Goten and Trunks that are strongly reminiscent of Dragon Ball. I think us fans would devour that and attempt to spit it back up numerous times to devour more, because that would be something that would be delicious no mattter how many times it'd be puked up. Beautiful, isn't it?

I realize I'm kind of 'blah' on the writing too right now, but I feel everything there. I believe I'm getting very lazy, but I hope I can attribute it to a monthly thing and if it is, it'll be over soon. I'm also considering some fanfic projects, and thinking of how to finish the others. I hope I get to everything. And I also need to check classes again. I'm pretty intent on English major, but I'm still open. And just wanting to enjoy school. I just want to get a BA/AA and have fun with classes for now. Once I get my head sorted, I'll really start thinking about transferring.

Well, I can think of nothing more so I'll leave it here and continue to wait patiently for my rp buddy to respond. A lovely weekend to all ♥. Party hardy, yo!

Ah, Life ♥

Things have been really awesome lately. Got to see Erica and Lysa, and am so enjoying Baquash and K-ON!, especially the music. I can't wait until DS"L" comes out on the 22, and Basquash's songs later (in May!?). Things have been calm and rather smooth, especially as far as shopping. I haven't really touch my money lately, thank goodness, but I did just order quite a bit and when put with my last order (which should come soon), it all adds up to $400. Quite a hefty amount, but I found a lot of good sales, especially this time. And I managed to find a lot of the type of clothes and even accssores (hats, bags and belts) that I really enjoy. And I think I've found the perfect things to appease my appetite and keep healthy grocery wise. I hope I won't have to do shopping for either in a while. Especially clothes shopping.

At the moment, I'm really looking forward to AnimeExpo, but if the nxt guests they get are ridiculous, I refuse to go. I may not even want to go see Momoi in Fanime. I mean, I already don't plan on going to Fanime, but Momoi is my fallback. But I don't know... I mean, Morning Musume is cool in their own right and they have plenty of fans, but for AX, I don't think they're the right guests. I hope they can get some really awesome people to make up for that (I'll cry if they get Oda-sensei). And I really hope at least one of the creators/artists on my list gets chosen, because it'd be inspiring to work on fanart for the series. Although I've been doodling, I haven't been drawing the way I want to or should, so I hope to soon. I have been working on my ideas though, mostly RP-wise. It helps develop them pretty much, but I feel RPing is what I need and want for my writing now, so I hope for one successful RP at least.

And I finally got my Rhythm Heaven, but my cousin is more bad ass than I am! Serious let down, but I'm about to play now and give it my all ♥. I'm hoping things keep on this nice track. Although things have been great, not everything has gone my way, but I appreciate this balance. I just hope school goes better...

Take care all. And I'm hoping to catch the new Secret Sats starting this Friday!

Oh Youturb

I am so loving listentoyoutube.com right now. Because of it, I can now listen to free without veoh or youtube ;u;. Ah, lovely day - evening, actually. Having Free will help me wait patiently for next week's Basquash. And although I'm not so into K-ON!, it's growing on me, especially Mio. And the ending of course, Don't Say Lazy is too darn catchy. I thought fall had a great season, but spring is showing great promise too. I think fall had a better and greater diversity of great shows, but the great anime in spring are like, pwnsauce. But with one mixing moe and Beck and the other mixing mech and Macross F team (seiyuu and creator), it figures.

Although I'm a bit ashamed of myself for not having drawn today, I got more aquainted with photoshop and coding, in the process of making a post format. It was a bivatcchee to do, but quite worth it. K-ON! post layout and Basquash sig make me happy ♥. And I'm also done with Starset too. It kind of bothers me that I'm getting so lost in what I want and originally intended for it, but I am happy that I've worked so hard and it's near completion. The story is actually the only part I need to finish. And after that, I'll probably work on everything else, hopefully with the same amount of dedication and even more creativity.

Although I haven't had any proper writing practice lately, I hope to sit down tomorrow/today or Thurs. and get a lot in. As well as finish my papers and start my reflective journals @n@.... My slacking is odd and disappointing. Although I'm getting most everything done, I've abandoned those papers and I hope being a month late won't kill my grade or anything. And I'm hoping I can carry on the rest of my semester (near) perfectly. And I can't wait for the next semester. And although I really want to take that cooking class, I'm not going to unless I can get my permit soon. But I guess that means I had better study... Yikes!

I can think of nothing else, so I'll end it here. Hoping for a nice week, I really liked today's weather, so I'm hoping to see more of it ♥.

Darn basketball. ...Plus mech

I am seriously loving Basquash. And I think some people's opinion are funny. And to me, it's pretty pointless to put, "don't like mecha or basketball, no watch." You could have saved yourself some type time and everyone else some read time. And it's nice that it's got a generally good outlook on the first episode. Although some people are being pretty close minded (and racist). And although I should be comparing it to other mech anime, I just want to compare it to Michiko to Hatchin. I can't entirely say why, but I guess in part ae the style and racial diversity. Which is also beautiful to see done so wonderfully. I'm looking forward to the rest of it. I finally got Opoona too <3.>

I've also got a little addiction to MangaBullet going. I've been on almot everyday and have a list of users and art on my favorites, and I hope to join soon. I just want to be sure I'll actually have something to put in my gallery when I do join. It's nice to see a cool, devoted and fun community that isn't tainted like dA. Hope it stays that way. I think the users and admin/creators are perfect, but I fear certain groups of people will try and slip in.

Since Spring Break is now here, I'm also going to try and start up on my schedule, at least a little. But it's startin' bad, since I'm still wide awake (is it the allergy meds). And I hate that feeling, when you're recovering from a part of your sickness(/allergies) but another part gets worse. My throat is feeling great, but the congestion is whacky.

I guess I'll linger and try to sleep now. Every time I get in bed and try to say me prayers, I either just get knocked out or lapse between sleep and saying part of them. Weird. Totemo weird desu.

It's been some while since an update. Partly because of laziness, a bit of a business and mostly just not updating. Because of it though, I may do just a bunch of journals in a row. Or not. But I do plan on laying out what all I can remember now, and the most immediate of things.

I'm mildly scared and comfortable with school as of now. Music is a mixed deal, I get a b average on the tests, but just because of the concerts and papers, I could be screwed, but I hope not. And ECE is middle too. My attendance is perfect and anecdotals nearly complete, but I still have a little ways to go. Anthropology is my real worry. The tests are where everything lies, and I feel like I can only do horrible, but hopefully that'll improve. I probably have a c in Japanese, but I hope it's better than that. I'll proably go and look at next semester's classes after this too. I kind of want another semester away from math, but we'll see. I don't have any clue about my newly changed English major or schools, so I'm in no rush either way.

Everything else is relatively smooth. I've been neglecting my games and it's been breaking my heart, especially since I'm at a good part or so close to the end in so many, but I hope to play a lot soon and especially over Summer. I just want to draw and work on my ideas and graphics for Spring. And study up a bit. Art has been rather nice too. I'm not doing anything great, but I can see myself making miniscule progress. The practice (and passion) is really helping.

I was kind of going to rant about the world too and how crazy and yet silly it is lately, but I've decided not to. Because it's just a waste. And I actually don't have much else to say, but I'll just rant.

I really want to redo my room. For the sake of cleanliness, organization and just the furniture I've been wanting since before we moved. Even more lately I kind of want a modern but retro style in my room, and I want it to be a calm, spacious and yet lively atmosphere. I'm looking hard, but not doing anything for progress yet.

I made a schedule for myself too! And I stick to it in ways, but I really need to devote myself to it. Hopefully I can start during spring break. And today grandma and I saw a sign for 20% off Vietnamese sandwiches at the place that just opened. I didn't care for it before this, and now I can see myself going often. Hopefully I will.

Well, aside from my anxiety over school and impatient waits over Rhythm Tengoku and at least a little news on NMH DS and Ni no Kuni, I can think of little else. Well, my need to see the new Storm Hawks and Secret Saturdays, but that's about all.

I wish the best for everyone and that all take care. ♥

These times

This week, these times, I'm not sure when it started, but it's all been very ncie and smooth. There have been definite bumps considering the weather and all, but parts of it have been fun too. I've been making nice convo with my classmates and just going along well. School has been nice, though I got three papers to tend to (one became two for music) and midterms for Japanese are coming up, and some fairly major assignments for ECE. But with everything being due so son, I gotta wonder, what's in store for April? It feels like kickback month from here, and May is definitely going to be review since finals are in the middle of the month.

But aside from school, reading and gaming are going fabulous. I don't know if I put it on here, but I'm in awe with Vagabond. I'm seriously in love with it. Only historical piece of media I enjoy. I liked Kenshin okay, but Vagabond is beautiful. Seriously. It's brought a lot of good thinking and morals into my mind and nice inspiration. Fairy Tail has been a nice read too, and One Piece is going gorgeously, especially since Bon Clay came back.

Ah, grandma to the rescue. I had a lapse just now in what I wanted to write about but grandma reminded me. Today we went to Raley's (I still want my effin Nintendo Power!), but I got an even better treat, I saw Alex. High school crushes, heh. It was a surprise, and he still looks the exact same(even outfit wise), my pathetic heart almost burst from the internal swooning. But thinking about it now, it was a lot less swooning. I think I have matured, and I'm proud of myself. And I like the girl I am lately. I don't know if it's menstraul or not, but I hope she stays. Still a bit lazy, but considerably more responsible and working hard, and nice with a growing (maybe) out-going streak.

And just now, one of the funniest experiences ever. Grandma trying to teach me how to write. After reminiscing about how hard it was to teach me and how even in class I never caught on, she tried to show me but it was hard since she's a lefty and the angle kind of changes. And then she even taped the pencil to my hand, but I never got it! Haha, so sad.

Yeah, these are good times. I really hope they last, and I'll put in my best effort to make them last.
Night and sweet dreams, take care all!

Oh, and while playing AC:CF and reading AXA threads, I once again thought to myself, I want AC:PG back! WAHHH!

Wow

That's kind of all that can be said. I think I'm about 20 chapters away from being entirely caught on Neuro, and I gotta say, the last thing that felt nearly as close to genuinely epic and astounding to me was One Piece, and I think this surpasses it on a certain scale. I got so into it, I read a few spoilers and I'm a bit heartbroken, but hopeful (but I'll probably just be heartbroken in the end). I'm so anxious to see how things will go. For One Piece and Neuro, it feels like "wow, this could be the turning point. It could end soon!" But then Oda and Matsuei-sensei just do these amazing things and it's clear that it's going for a longer run, but that makes me excited and happy. And it kind of makes me want to get into this kind of field more. Where I can lay out a story and take people across all kinds of thoughts and emotions, but then I also see how simple my thoughts are. I think perhaps I rely too much on inspiration, but now I have a different kind. The inspiration to find my own way and style.

Well, I'm going to be ecstatic for as long as these manga keep up, and there are other manga which I was never ended. Even Berserk, I'm anxious for the ending but I fear for it. But I hope it never will end. I think Neuro Nougami, Berserk and One Piece are perfect manga. The shallow feeling of forced story and everything else presented in Naruto, Bleach and even KHR lately leaves me empty. I want a story that lets me truly connect, that shows me a world and that is always evolving and maybe changing, yet staying the same. I hope more manga like this will pop up. And I hope I can see the same in games too. Mario, Zelda and even Sonic in its own way. Mario from the early days (especially 64) and even to Galaxy is Mario. There may have been major changes in gameplay between Ocarina and Majora, and even style in Wind Waker, but they all had the key elements of character and puzzle. And Sonic, although it's changed so much and been through so many ups and downs, it doesn't run from the main point of the character, Sonic is always fast and free, no matter what the adventure.

I'm also happy with myself, the more I read, see and think, I feel I'm appreciating myself and my answers and finding me. It's hard to come to terms with death, but I hope to make my grandpa proud as he watches me change and evolve as a person, even if I can't share it with him directly. And I hope that I can make the best of these moments I have with everyone beside, and that these moments will last a signifcantly greater time.

More than anything right now, I want to live peacefully with the people beside me and find my way. Lets hope I can C:.

Makin a list so I can buy em all later. I want my childhood back.

+ Power Puff Girls
+ Dexter's Lab
+ Captain Planet
+ Samurai Jack
+ Hey Arnold
+ Pepper Ann
+ Ginger
+ Rocko's Modern Life
+ Rugrats
+ Ahh! Real Monsters
+ Rolie Polie Olie
+ Bananas in Pajamas
+ Angry Beavers

I will update this every time I remember.

My Childhood

I miss it too much. And all the good cartoons, I want them back! I'm gonna make a list of them so I can buy them all when I remember them.

+ Captain Planet

+ Rugrats

+ Dexter's Lab

+ PowerPuff Girls

+ Rolie Polie Olie

+ Ren and Stimpy

+ Ahh! Real Monsters

+ Angry Beavers

+ Hey Arnold

+ Bananas in Pajamas

+ Cow & Chicken

+ Ginger

+ Beetle Juice

+ Batman TAS (& Beyond!)

+ Beast Wars

edit

I've decided it wouldn't be so bad to go ahead and list the games and anime/manga that I've cherished for so long too, especially since I grew up with them. More so than cartoons even in some ways.

Video games

-- Sonic the Hedgehog [ My first game! Always one of if not my top fav.]

-- Gunstar Heroes [ It was so difficult but amazing to me. ]

-- Mario [Came quite a bit later, but I found it through friends and had great memories.]

-- Thousand Arms [ My first (and only for a while) Playstation game. And first (real?) RPG. Always in my heart.]

-- Ape Escape [ One of my other earliest PS games, and most cherished.]

-- Pokemon [ Almost forgot somehow. But man, did I ever grow up with PKMN and have some amazing, beautiful memories.]

-- Kirby [ My first was Crystal Shards, and I think it'll always be one of my fav in the series.]

-- Rhapsody [ I remember going over this with Anna. That was classic. ]

-- Tomba [ I could never stop playing the demo and wishing for more, and never got sick of 2.]

-- Harvest Moon [ I think it was my first 64 game. I adored it and still do.]

-- Zelda [ I remember moments in (and outside) of class talking about Zelda (and PKMN). OoT, I love chuu.]

Anime/Manga

-- BSSM [ One of my first anime, and first I followed. I remember the manga in Mixxine too.]

-- MKR [ When I got that Mixx and saw MKR, I fell in love.]

-- DBZ [ We always adored DBZ, well, me Antonio Jeanette and Natasha. I still adore it and Toriyama.]

-- Pokemon [ Reptitive, but we did talk about it as much as the game w/as many memories.]

-- Cowboy Bebop [ I scorned it for so long, but finally fell in love. In what though, like MS!?]

-- Tenchi [ One of my very first anime, and one I'll always be charmed by. Ah, Tenchi.]

-- YYH [ Not as early, but still significant. It's up there with the others.]

-- El Hazard [Because I loved watching more than FY and as much as Tenchi.]

-- Irr. Capt. Tylor [ Oh man! One of the first anime I watched, on IC especially. I love it!]

-- Gundam Wing [I tried to resist putting on here, but I couldn't. Pretty boys win.]

-- Giant Robo [I always watched the same and only vol.(s?) my uncle ever had. It was so tragic...]

-- CCS [ When it first came out, I didn't care much for it, but then I obviously fell in love.]

-- Digimon. [ Oh man, there was kid controversy over that, but lots o' love too.]

-- Monster Rancher [Oh, I was so in love! And still am!]

-- Escaflowne [ That was like, the beginning of anime drama for us, and we loved it.]

-- Shinzo [ I was one of the only ones to watch it, but I adored it nonetheless.]

-- Medabots [ It was classic and awesome to us, and still is to me.]

-- Mon Colle Knights [ Our fandom over it was shameful, but it was pretty darn epic!]

Everyday like a Dream

Watching the BET Honor Awards, I realized a few things about the world, some things I recall thinking from time to time. It seems lately, like everday is living a dream. The world has gone so many places and so many beautiful changes have been made. America has a man who's very existence is fairly revolutionary, and the world is taking turns to improve itself.

But there are times and things that make it so scary. Like we're living a nightmare. The economy, war, the very conditions some countries are still in. It's devastating and frightening, but we still have such great things in the world, although the nightmares become overwhelming.

After all, there are bound to be shadows where there is light. But are shadows really that bad?

Screw the Fried Chicken

I just posted, but this moment is significant too.

After the moment with Yosuke and MC/Shinobu headed home, I saw Nanako sitting to the side, but my expression needed to be higher to talk to her, but I already knew it'd be about death and her deceased mother (I assume, really). But I quickly dismissed it and trying to raise my expression because I didn't want to 'suffer more', even if that was a selfish thought. Instead I went to the kitchen and started on fried chicken for lunch (which was soggy, but flour is always used!).

Then I headed to the bathroom and a pincher happened to be on the floor, but it took a second to kill, and a second for so many thoughts to swarm in my head.
"Do I care about killing it? But it is one of God's creatures."
"Is there an afterlife? I don't really understand life."

There was a lot going on in my head for such a short time, but then I realized how ridiculous it was of me to not try and raise my expression. Since I saved right before the chicken I decided 'crew the chicken', and that if I had just cried over not having answers and knowing myself, I'm the one who has to change that and so I can't bitch at my own lack of action and resolve. I'm going to work hard on raising my expression to get Nanako closer to her answers and myself closer to my own.

Dear Me

I was going to talk about being addicted to Persona 4 and everything, but a scene just made me very emotional.
As Yosuke was talking about Saki-sempai, I felt really connected to that and thought of my grandpa. There's so much I haven't realized and a lot I've been struggling with, myself especially. I'm not entirely sure who I am or what I want, even with grandpa's advice, but I feel I owe it to him and myself to find me. And Nanako also makes me a bit emotional. Knowing that she (wants to) believe her mom is in Heaven makes me wish for Heaven simply for grandpa's sake.

There's a lot on my mind and things are getting harder, even on a global aspect, it kind of feels like the world is coming in on itself, and I can't even really think or say what it is I need to do, but for now, I just want to take things little steps at a time.
I kind of regret that no one is reading this or is going to comment, but I guess a part of me is okay with that too.
And I hope I can figure things out, and maybe Persona will help me reach the truth more.

So recently I really started up on my comic craze again, and the one character I hold thankfully responsible is Deadpool. I'm obsessed with him and I don't think I'll be turning back. I'm trying to collect comics and shoving fanfics down my throat like mad. He's too funny not to like. I'm almost surprised he's canon, but I'm thankful he is. I hope he gets better luck though. His life is almost crappier than the X-teams'. I think comic characters suffer too much =u='. Aside from American comics, I'm patiently waiting for the update on everyone's favorite Italian comic, W.I.T.C.H. The nineth is a new arc I think and I'm getting anxious. The last chapters have been beautiful too, so that makes me on cloud nine.

Still on the comic subject, well manga, I'm reading Fairy Tail now. I was checking out the raw the other day, but not caring much to read. It was nice to see Gazille in those first few pages but since I wasn't reading (and not entirely paying attention) I didn't know what was going on. But now that I have read it... OH SHOOT! I'm so torn. [SPOILER ALERT!] Is he really going to betray them!? I hope not, but even if he does, I just want justice done to his character, because unless he kills someone or something, I am not going to stop liking him. I'm also disappointed Kana was taken out quick and we didn't even get to see the fight. He may be giving a bit of character and love to the side-characters, but they feel so disposable at times. Oh well, just have to hope and wait for their chance to shine right?

Aside from that, I got kind of lazy these past couple of days, but not entirely. And I got some necessary school stuff done and am very relieved and at peace with myself. Now I hope to get back to my drawing and writing and finish some of my games. ...And do some online shopping ♥u♥'.
And now I'm going to feed my growing SNSD craze by listening to Girl's Generation and Kissing You. For the fiftieth time.

A nice day and wonderful week to everyone!